he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
