Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
