ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
