im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
