toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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