Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
