His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
