First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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