i think my mom watched the whole time
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
