at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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