Is it normal to miss your booty call?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
