I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
