I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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