Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
