Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
