i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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