Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
