So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
