So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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