i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
