In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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