Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
