im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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