it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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