he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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