So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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