he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
