at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
