The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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