Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
