yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
