It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
