I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
