last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
