whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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