drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
