i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
