I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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