He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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