how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
