I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
