its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
