Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He passed out mid-signature
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
