I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
