Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
