Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
