i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
