im so drunk with asians
where?
always
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
