i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
