you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
