I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
