She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I supernannyed him into submission
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
