well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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