my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
